A Girls Journey. From Immodesty To a G-dly Life
By Jelana Derosa
In our society today, it seems difficult to find young girls even older women dressing appropriately. I've seen so many young girls, as early as the age of 12 months, some younger, being dressed in revealing clothing. Clothes much too old for them! Crop tops for toddlers ripped jeans/short shorts.
It's NOT cute!! I remember when I was little, I'm 28 years old now, dressing as a little girl should in my opinion. Covered up, pink and purple bows, braided hair, stockings, all that cute young girl attire. I was a 90's baby so that's the style I'm used to. Lots of sweatsuits and I didn't care to match half t
he time. You almost never saw kids dressed in very revealing clothes, it was so shocking to see if you did.
I played with Barbies and other dolls that were very underdressed, not knowing it may have affected my idea of what beauty is supposed to look like.
When I got into high school though, everything changed. My childhood was pretty traumatic because of my parents. I was neglected in many ways physically and mentally. It caused me to have a huge void in my life and this is when things started going downhill. I was with a crowd that was very promiscuous, and immodest. I looked up to famous celebrities who sold their souls and promoted lots of inappropriate behavior. College was even worse. You can only imagine what goes on there.
I did not know my worth, I complained when I'd have a boyfriend who cheated and treated me poorly, but I brought that negative attention to myself. When you don't respect yourself, no one will respect you. You will not find a good, loyal guy who wants a girl to reveal herself to the world. It's just for your husband.
My boyfriends always wanted to "show me off" and didn't care what I did. Those were the ones cheating and abusing me emotionally/mentally, shocker! I only dug a deeper hole for myself and the healing needed was far greater than I thought I could fix.
After having my son at 25 years old in Indiana with someone who also was not good for me, I moved back to NY to be around my family and marry my high school sweetheart. My husband was the one and only loyal guy in my life but I ruined it because I craved attention from others when I finally got seen. This was one of the biggest regrets of my life. We would've been married at 18 if I didn't ruin it. We were 14, turning 15 when we met. God brought us back together. When we reunited I still lived in Indiana and was waiting for my court-approved date to move back home, 7 months! We had a long-distance relationship for 7 months and he taught me the truth about God and that's when my healing started. My journey to modesty for God, my husband, and myself began when I was about 26 years old.
I threw out probably 4 garbage bags of disgusting clothing. I had probably 5 outfits left. When I got rid of this stuff it was such a relief yet I hesitated a little because it was a permanent dedication. My hesitation didn't stop me. I was ready to change my life around and never look back. That same week I quit my toxic job full of immodesty. I could not believe the number of blessings that started flowing from my decision to be modest. I would be here all day sharing them. It was such an amazing transformation. Now, from a curse word coming out every sentence, I stopped all together. It's incredible how changing your environment and the people you're surrounded by can change you! It was the best decision I made in my life.
My husband and I went through a rollercoaster ride because I was still leaving my old world behind. I sold my motorcycle (Yes, I rode a GSXR 750) which I only got to get further attention from men. It was the worst possible thing besides the fact that I was getting cocky with my speed and could've died many times. (Thank you G-d for keeping me alive). I got involved with different groups of riders, you guessed it, all men. From my age to a lot older and it wasn't pretty. Men in those groups, married or a girlfriend, it doesn't matter to them, I noticed they all had one thing in common. When they went out on their rides, they were single and all so encouraging to one another about being seen and how many girls can they get to ride on the back. It almost just comes with the thrill of risking your life every second you decide to jump on a motorcycle.
To make this extremely long story almost over, when I moved back to NY and got married, I started following G-d, and began my journey of h
ealing. My husband introduced me to Judaism and we devoted ourselves to hard prayer and study for almost 4 years now. We've never been the same. I took Rivka Malka's class "Coaching and Transformation", where she taught us "Every experience is a healing opportunity." There the real work began. I learned all about my inner child and realized how much damage I've caused. How badly I needed to bring that inner child up and nurture her for all that's happened. This class changed my life in the best way possible. Please look her up on YouTube and her website: https://rivkamalka.com
I've finally found my purpose in life and want to help other women who have been through similar difficulties. I truly believe it all begins with modesty. This is one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves, God, and others. If you're also a parent, this is something we can start teaching our kids at a very young age. Fill your child with love, positivity, and modesty. Show them that the true standard of beauty is modesty and to bring their inner soul to the outside.
Know that no matter where you are on your journey, when you follow Hashem (G-d), he takes care of you every step of the way. When you sacrifice a little for Him, he gives you a lot.
Brough by Jelena Derosa